Archive for the ‘Crucial Skills’ Category
March 10, 2011
Anxiety, the Useful Red Flag
As winter continues (which is ok for us ski buffs but not for anyone else) the world, weather, and economy are all in upheaval. So I thought that understanding anxiety would be a helpful pre-Spring message.
More people are medicated to get away from anxiety than almost any other emotional state. People view anxiety as bad; that it means that something is wrong. Many people experience “free-floating anxiety,” meaning there is no obvious cause. The problem is that people don’t see the cause because they have disconnected from their bodies and feelings, so they aren’t aware of their reactions to events. They are not getting any information, so their reactions seem to come out of the blue. Not knowing why they are agitated makes people feel out-of-control. That leads quickly to seeing any anxiety as a sure sign that their lives are out-of-control. They try madly to figure out what’s going on and avoid any situations that they think may cause the anxiety. Then they have more and more anxiety.
Anxiety actually has a crucial purpose. It notifies us when we need to pay attention to something surfacing or about to happen. If we can see it as a helpful flag, and be willing to look at and assess a potential situation, or be with a surfacing emotion, then we can change our perception of anxiety. It becomes a useful tool. We pay attention, attend to something when we need to, and then we won’t panic. We’ll feel more in control of our lives and empowered to be in the moment and keep moving forward toward our goals.
Anxiety is supposed to be uncomfortable. It is a function of activity in the amygdala, a portion of what has been called the limbic system, the central part of the brain whose purpose is to deal with emotional reactions. The amygdala is activated when we are startled or when we anticipate an event. These could be surprises such as a car back-firing, or the phone ringing at 3:00 AM, or an event that we freely choose, such as taking part in a local production of “Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead,” going out the door into Manhattan at night, or taking the SAT’s. The amygdala’s job is to focus our attention on possible dangers. We have a choice, once it has fired. We may go on automatic and react with fight-or-flight, or we may engage the assessment functions of our more advanced brain centers. They will help us weigh the reality of the danger, check that our costume is on straight, be on guard around strangers on the street, or have our pencil sharpened. If we do not moderate the instant alert system with assessment–considering the stimulus; memory recall–comparing it to other events we’ve gone through; and strategizing–thinking what would be the best response given all the information, chances are we will find ourselves running madly away from slamming doors, or we’ll find ourselves taking a swing at a bratty brother when he comes up behind us unexpectedly. Or, we may freeze, unable to remember our lines. One thing is for sure: we’ll constantly over-estimate the amount of danger present in any given situation.
It is not the street, or the test, or the stage that actually causes the anxiety. The trigger only alerts us to check it out. But so many people back away from the triggering situation as if that will reduce their anxiety. And it does, in the moment. But it doesn’t handle the real situation. It only makes them believe that not doing things will make them feel safer.
But, every time someone backs down from a challenge, their sense of agency diminishes, and their fear increases. They feel smaller and smaller. They lose touch with themselves more and more, as they are mesmerized by the scary image front of their mind’s eye. And unless we examine this reaction in the light of day, we won’t see that we are really stuck in past fears and past events; that we are not really reacting to the reality in front of us. The performance doesn’t cause us to feel anxious. Our anticipation and history do.
Tags:anxiety, breathe, center, free-floating anxiety, goals, ground, spring
Posted in Breathing, Centering, Creating The Life You Want, Crucial Skills, Emotional Issues, Energy Work, Releasing Anxiety, Self-doubt, Trauma, Uncovering Joy | Leave a Comment »
February 2, 2011
From Chapter 16: Value Yourself Highly:
Dame Judy Dench, arguably one of the best actors in the world, has primarily played sure-footed women. She was being interviewed on National Public Radio to introduce her latest series, “Cranford,” as I wrote the first draft of this chapter. One of the things she said of her acting career was, “Those characters are not who I am. Everything I have done has brought up such anxiety, so much anxiety.”
Dame Judy was anxious because she had to wrestle with her doubt that she’d do a good job. It seems that no one is free of doubts and critical inner voices. Self-doubt seems to be part of the human condition (except in psychopaths and people who blame others for everything), and it is impossible to eradicate completely. As a great actor, Dame Judy is an example of someone who clearly knows how to deal with her anxiety and move forward.
Even when we have done the work of facing painful feelings and restructuring self-defeating beliefs, many of us continue the habit of questioning ourselves unnecessarily or turning against ourselves when something goes wrong. Self-doubt is a habit that no longer serves a protective purpose. It only undermines our efforts to build self- assurance and a new outlook by uncentering us and thus disorganizing our sense of ourselves. We must see that self-criticism and shame are not based on the reality of who we are but rather are attempts to control our pain without dealing with it directly.
If our old sense of self is based on self-criticism and self-hatred, we must be emphatic in treating ourselves positively in order to build a stance based on self-love and a realistic appreciation of our worth. It isn’t overcompensation. It simply feels that way if we’ve had a taboo against being on our own side.
Valuing ourselves is not just a nice idea. It is crucial in order to turn away from those deeply grooved pathways of self-doubt, second-guessing, anticipating disaster, and despair. We cannot wait for circumstances to pop self-confidence over our heads like a new sweater. We must train minds to see ourselves as valuable and precious. Joy is not an externally induced event, which actually is a great relief. Our joy is not dependent on events or other people. Even if it feels as though we’re breaking taboos, and the wrath of all the gods will pour down on our heads for doing so, we can choose to invest in a true, positive sense of ourselves.
Tags:being present, emotions, feelings, giving yourself credit, Joy, Judy Dench, mindfulness, performance anxiety, Self-doubt, valuing yourself
Posted in Centering, Life, Self-criticism, Self-doubt, Setting the Stage for Change, Uncategorized, Uncovering Joy, Value Yourself | Leave a Comment »
July 1, 2010
Lots of people talk about being centered now (they certainly didn’t when I started working on this material in the 1970′s!) But what is it really? And how do we do it? Are we just supposed to hope that if we settle down, or think about it, we’re centered? Is it the same as being aware of ourselves rather than a bit flipped out? Is it the same as being grounded?
Our center is the place in which we are aware of our being – our sense of our true self that is deeper and more permanent than our self-concept, thoughts or even emotions. It is where we contact our essence. Our center has a location in our body, in our energy field, and in our nervous system. With practice it can be developed, as more neural synapses are trained to respond to our attention. When we are centered, that sense of being is completely satisfying. It becomes the axis around which is organized all the rest of our multi-faceted self. In fact, the more we practice, the more organized – re-aligned and settled – the rest of our experience and awareness can become.
What frees us from pain and uncovers joy is a paradox. The pit looks unfathomable and intolerable when we are outside our center. People fight to stay away from their core, fearing that, if they go in there, they’ll drown in their worst nightmares. Yet it is fighting the pain that disconnects us from our own core self as well as from the tools that release the pain. It is only by risking moving into our center that we find out that it is actually the place in which stillness, love, joy, and connection with all-that-is resides within us. It is only then that we can see that there is joy under all our pain.When we learn to perceive the real nature of our true selves, and settle into our center, the view changes completely. (From Uncover Joy, Chapter 6, Centering)
Only in the reality of the present can we love, can we awaken, can we find peace and understanding and connection with ourselves and the world. Jack Kornfield
Find out how Energy Dynamics can help you! Contact me at (802) 229-4815, or Sarah@sarahgillen.com
Tags:abuse, being centered, being present, centering, emotions, feelings, Joy, mindfulness, releasing painful feelings, Trauma
Posted in Be Present, Centering, Coaching, Emotional Issues, Energy Medicine, Energy Work, Healing, Life, Mindfulness, Self-criticism, Setting the Stage for Change, Trauma | Leave a Comment »
June 17, 2010
The secret about joy is that it is only by being in the present, deeply connected and awake within ourselves, that it is possible to tap into the bliss lurking beneath the crud. Grounding enables us to be in the present. Our efforts to stay away from our old baggage actually keeps us stuck and disconnected from ourselves and traps us in pain. Grounding awakens us to our internal world, so we come face-to-face with feelings we may have been avoiding, but it also increases intuition, healing, safety, and calm.
The question is, how do we release the pain and return to ourselves? Grounding and centering are two vital steps in the answer. Used together, we can increase our body’s ability to heal, our energy to work out kinks and realign. In the process, we can resolve and release old trauma, lay to rest old losses, and change self-defeating patterns.
When, rather than being scattered, too focused on others, or self-critical, we ground ourselves, we settle into relationship with ourselves. We turn on the lights and move into our own body more completely. Rather than zoning out, or trying to get away, or tightening up to only a tiny part of ourselves (say, our minds, maybe?) we inhabit all of ourselves. We settle into what is real now, connecting inward, in order to connect outward safely and accurately. Grounding enables us to see what is around us and our place in it, and to move thru life assuredly, or at least without losing ourselves.
Smile, breathe and go slowly. ~Thich Nhat Hanh
Keep your eyes on the stars and your feet on the ground. ~Theodore Roosevelt
Tags:being present, change, feelings, grounding, growth, Joy, mindfulness, releasing painful feelings, self-defeating patterns, Trauma
Posted in Be Present, Coaching, Creating The Life You Want, Crucial Skills, Emotional Issues, Energy Medicine, Energy Work, Grounding, Life, Mindfulness, Self-criticism, Uncovering Joy | Leave a Comment »
June 1, 2010
Now that the weather is (hopefully!) staying warm, planting season is here in earnest. Everyone in this rural area spends Memorial Day weekend farming like mad, no matter the size of their land. As the tomatoes, lettuce and delicata squash settle into the earth and send down roots to grow strong, we have a chance to do the same for ourselves. We can move into summer paying attention to grounding ourselves.
One of the major benefits of being grounded is that we are able to stay firmly in our own place rather than being blown around by other people or events. The perfect example is the martial arts master. Often in movies he is depicted as a small, wizened, old man who works, say, in a Chinese restaurant as a dishwasher. Unbeknownst to the owner and others who, from the audience’s viewpoint, ought to know better, the gentle man is a top-notch practitioner. One evening, bent on vendetta against the restaurateur, large thugs crashes into the restaurant through the kitchen. The old man is in their way. They try to shove him aside. They cannot. They get madder and shove harder. They cannot budge the old man, who is still looking like a feeble dishwasher. They try to pick him up. They yank his arm. They cannot get past him. First they look perplexed, and then they get scared.
Even without vanquishing bad guys, grounding keeps you solidly placed, so that you don’t feel buffeted or thrown off. This is a boon when giving speeches, when making dinner for a passle of tired children, when your boss wants fourteen things at once, or when the news makes the world sound like a scary place. It involves connecting with yourself, your energy, and also contacting the earth beneath your feet. It is an interchange of energy that provides strong benefits and results.
Connecting with the earth allows you to regain regain perspective. If an emotion has ballooned out of all proportion, the feeling settles down to its real size when you gain perspective by feeling your body in contact with the earth. Grounding helps you process painful feelings by helping you see that they are not as all-consuming as you feared, and by keeping you connected with reality in the present.
Gardeners know how grounding it is to plant and tend the earth. We can teach ourselves to ground wherever we are and reap the benefits of being calmer and more settled. Breathe!
(from Uncover Joy, chapter 5, Grounding)
Gardening gives one back a sense of proportion about everything – except itself. ~May Sarton, Plant Dreaming Deep, 1968
Gardening is about enjoying the smell of things growing in the soil, getting dirty without feeling guilty, and generally taking the time to soak up a little peace and serenity. ~Lindley Karstens, noproblemgarden.com
Tags:being present, Breathing, grounding, growth, Joy, mindfulness
Posted in Be Present, Clearing Old Energy Patterns, Crucial Skills, Energy Medicine, Energy Work, Grounding, Healing, Life, Mindfulness, Setting the Stage for Change, Uncovering Joy | Leave a Comment »
May 11, 2010
Jack’s boss criticized him in front of his entire team. By the time he got home, he was not only fuming, he was tight and agitated, planning how he’d show her that he was on top of his game, and on top of the project. The problem was, for the next week, he tried so hard that his tension undermined his performance.
Many of us have spent too much of our lives feeling threatened, so we unknowingly take criticisms, or difficult interactions as more danger than they may actually be. It’s human nature to clench and scrabble, trying to find some hold on events. It can be as if we are trying to hold onto our sense of our lives, and of ourselves as stable. But the clenching takes our attention away from dealing with the situation, so we are less effective. While it is an automatic reaction, it doesn’t help our cause.
What needs to come in, at those moments when our fretting is keeping us up at night, is trust in our experience and our practice of new ways of being. Paradoxically, what keeps us safe and makes us effective is to let go, to allow our survival to be a matter of faith, something that we take for granted (not easy to do for those with trauma in their background), to float on the surge and swell of the event, rather than trying to make the water be still, or to grab onto something for dear life. All that gets us is a fight with the water and more tendency to sink.
Here is where the value of learning to ground and center comes in. When you can identify that reaction of trying to get a grip, developing an internal, kinesthetic sense of your self and your energy body allows you to let go and trust that you will continue to exist. Then you can focus on seeing the event clearly, assessing best action, and doing it. You have more time to notice that it is not life-threatening, that it may be obnoxious or inconvenient, but you can feel good about being able to swim through it.
When Jack became aware of his trying to feel in control again by clenching, he realized that his boss’s criticism had triggered memories of feeling humiliated by his father, who had laughed at him in front of his drinking buddies. Reminding himself that his boss was not his father, Jack was able to turn his efforts to breathing, reconnecting with his felt sense of his body, and be aware of his feet contacting the earth, even in meetings. Rather than resent his boss, he tried assuming that his job was safe. As he felt lighter, he suddenly saw his project from a new angle and got an idea that improved it and open up new options.
If the situation really is threatening, you will have more chance to survive if you can see best options by letting go of the grip that constricts your energy. No matter what, if you ride the wave, you still have your self, and a firmer sense of your being, as you move through the crisis and come out the other side. And it won’t turn into one of those events that adds to old trauma or old beliefs that you can’t survive. Rather it will build on the truth that you are good at body-surfing.
Tags:anxiety, being present, Breathing, constricted breathing, crisis, Difficulty completing projects, emotions, finishing projects, handling criticism, mindfulness, Self-doubt, stress-reduction, tension, Trauma
Posted in Breathing, Centering, Creating The Life You Want, Crucial Skills, Energy Work, Grounding, Life, Releasing Anxiety, Trauma, Uncategorized, Uncovering Joy | Leave a Comment »
April 15, 2010
When we breathe without paying attention, we stay alive. Good thing. But when we learn more about the breath and begin to practice different patterns consciously, amazing things happen. We can release tension and heal long-standing pain or weakness. We can greatly reduce anxiety, and change our automatic reactions to stressful events. We can develop new awareness and build a new relationship with ourselves, feeling more confident and empowered. We can enhance physical and mental performance, rev up, calm down, release stress, clear out stagnation. Rather than something we take for granted, breathing begins to look more like an art, a science, the basis of a more advanced relationship with our physical and emotional selves.
The biggest barrier to effective breathing is that we freeze our diaphragms. When we are startled, shocked, or scared, we gasp, a reflex triggered by an adrenalin surge. As a survival mechanism, gasping draws air quickly into the lungs in case we need to act. Energy is pushed upward as well. Vision sharpens, blood rushes to the head and heart for apprehending danger, for thinking, and preparing for fight or flight.
The problem comes when our systems stay in a mode of chronic over-arousal due to modern life or past unresolved stress, so most of us severely curtail our breath by keeping our diaphragms stiffened in the gasp position. Our awareness of our bodies, feelings and of other aspects of the environment are limited, as their energy stays stuck in our heads.
Try this: Free your diaphragm: When you breathe into your belly, your diaphragm is relaxed.
To see if your diaphragm is released, place your fingertips together, index to index, middle to middle, etcetera, not including your thumbs. Place the tips of your tented fingers gently with your index fingertips just under where your ribs flare out and your little fingertips by your waist. Take a deep breath and focus on breathing down into your belly. See if you can feel your diaphragm muscle push past your index fingers to your middle and then maybe to your ring fingertips. The muscle is expanding.
Then release your breath. A relaxed exhalation involves no effort on your part. Your diaphragm simply contracts to its original resting position. You can feel it move up to your index fingers again. Keep practicing until you can feel this movement. Notice what breathing feels like when your diaphragm is freed to move.
Then, during the day when you notice tension, focus on freeing your diaphragm again. See what effect that has on the way you are in your body, and in the situation. Happy Spring!
Fear less, hope more; eat less, chew more; whine less, breathe more; talk less, say more; hate less, love more; and all good things are yours. ~Swedish Proverb
Tags:anxiety, breath, Breathing, constricted breathing, diaphragmatic breath, hurt, Joy, mindfulness, releasing painful feelings, stress, stress-reduction, tension
Posted in Breathing, Crucial Skills, Energy Work, Healing, Life, Releasing Anxiety, Setting the Stage for Change, Trauma, Uncovering Joy | 1 Comment »
April 1, 2010
Crusty New Englanders might want to pull an April Fool on you on a muddy road somewhere and tell you that you can’t get theah from heah. But if your work depends on the accuracy of your perceptions, or you are on a journey of self-actualization, you can ge3t anywhere, but only if you start from here – where you are, right now. It doesn’t matter if your goal is to enhance the joy in your life, increase productivity, communicate more effectively, be a healer, develop your intuition, or feel better in your body. True perception requires knowing where you are in space and in your physical body. You must have your awareness open, clear, and firmly planted in the present. Only then can you be accurate about what you perceive, where it originated, and what it means. Is it yours or are you picking up someone else’s emotional state? Is it an intuition, or a reaction triggered by your past? Is it a response to a preoccupation or passing thought, or is it an insight into the situation that you are exploring?
We all unknowingly try to soothe ourselves by distancing ourselves from discomfort or pain. We also get thrown off when we are not aware that we are being swayed by others. As Ramorrah said in a class in which I taught coaches to use Energy Work, “Our bodies are crucial to help us know when we’re authentic, aren’t they?” By connecting with our present bodily experience, we land ourselves in the real present, not philosophically, but concretely.
Our bodies are the locus of all the information we receive. By being willing to be present in our bodies, we connect more fully with the present moment. We also are more able to release blocks, and to countering distortions in perception, including those caused by the past. It is the most direct way to become more adept. The best way to come home to our bodies, to relieve any discomfort we find there, to increase our awareness, is through our breath.
Try this: For the next two weeks, when some discomfort makes you want to get away from your present reality, take several deep breaths instead. Stand still for a few moments and simply feel the sensations of breathing. See what happens. Muddy roads or no, you can get anywhere from here!
For breath is life, and if you breathe well, you will live long on earth. ~Sanskrit Proverb
Tags:being present, breath, foundation of intuition, mindfulness, releasing painful feelings, success, success in completing projects
Posted in Be Present, Breathing, Clearing Old Energy Patterns, Creating The Life You Want, Crucial Skills, Energy Work, Healing, Life, Mindfulness, Releasing Anxiety | Leave a Comment »
January 18, 2010
Dame Judy Dench, arguably one of the best actors in the world, has primarily played sure-footed women. She was being interviewed on National Public Radio to introduce her latest series, “Cranford,” as I wrote the first draft of this chapter. One of the things she said was, “Those characters are not who I am. Everything I have done has brought up such anxiety, so much anxiety.” So, no one is immune from their critical voices. Self-doubt seems to be part of the human condition. Everyone has it sometime (except psychopaths), and it is impossible to eradicate completely. As a great actor, Dame Judy is an example of someone who clearly knows how to deal with her anxiety and move forward. When I was younger and struggling with my own healing, I could function well at work, and with friends. I felt competent when dealing with a project or interaction. I could stand up in a courtroom and contest a ticket. I could speak in public. But I did not really have a sense that it was my life. I was caught in old beliefs and injunctions from my upbringing, so I focused on what others thought and wanted, and I unconsciously relegated myself to the category of to-blame-if-anything-goes-wrong. If I had a misunderstanding with someone, or blurted something at a party, I would berate myself mercilessly afterward, a maneuver that a friend dubbed ‘party-remorse.’ Any decision I made, I second-guessed. I could find myself sweeping the kitchen floor while thinking that really, it was not the best use of my time, I should be writing an article, or cleaning the bathroom, or researching a concept. I’d utilize my gifts for clients or friends, but not for me. Why wasn’t I able to remember my strengths, who I really was, even while I was helping others build positive views of themselves, heal from emotional and physical pain, and embrace bright futures? Why could I not maintain my center, even as I taught others to do so? What does it take to build and maintain a sense of self that supports us through anxiety, opposition, and stressful situations? Even when we have worked through obstacles, many of us continue to doubt ourselves, thereby undermining our efforts to build self-assurance. It is disorganizing constantly to second-guess ourselves. We must see that self-criticism and shame are not based on the reality of who we are, but on our attempts to control our pain.
If our sense of self is based on self-criticism and self-hatred, we must go overboard in the positive direction in order to build a stance based on self-love and a realistic appreciation of our worth. It isn’t overcompensation. It simply feels that way, if we’ve had a taboo against being on our own side.
Tags:centering, giving yourself credit, growth, Joy, Judy Dench, Positive Attitude, Self-doubt, valuing yourself
Posted in Centering, Creating The Life You Want, Energy Work, Healing | Leave a Comment »
August 31, 2009
Here’s a quote from the chapter on centering. In the chapter, I explain what centering really is, what happens when you’re not centered, how your experiences change when you are, and then how actually to do it – no vague hoping it’ll happen, but the steps to take. Then, I talk about what happens neurologically as you practice – how you change your preset buttons.
Here’s the quote:
“Getting to the point of asking, ‘How do I know who I am’ means that you have succeeded in growing and changing in the direction of your own well-being. People constantly, just below the level of awareness, check their experience against an internal set of perceptions of what constitutes everything-is-in-its-usual-place. Voicing this existential dilemma means that your sense of yourself has been shaken up enough that you are not settling for old (and inaccurate, because too limited) answers. You are attending to an internal experience that is so new and raw that the landscape is not yet filled in. New landmarks must be built. By being centered, you build awareness of your true Self, one kinesthetic experience at a time. You build internal structure, changing the old ways of perceiving and holding yourself neurologically, physically, emotionally, and psychologically. When folks build this new internal structure by practicing being centered, I have seen people clear up old health issues and release results of their previous experiences. They can burn away old trauma, rewrite old history (in the sense that the effect that it had on their lives is changed) and thereby release karma.”
What do you think?
Tags:centering
Posted in Advanced Skills, Crucial Skills, Energy Medicine | 2 Comments »
