Archive for the ‘Emotional Issues’ Category

Pre-Spring: The Useful Purpose of Anxiety

March 10, 2011

Anxiety, the Useful Red Flag

As winter continues (which is ok for us ski buffs but not for anyone else) the world, weather, and economy are all in upheaval. So I thought that understanding anxiety would be a helpful pre-Spring message.

More people are medicated to get away from anxiety than almost any other emotional state. People view anxiety as bad; that it means that something is wrong. Many people experience “free-floating anxiety,” meaning there is no obvious cause. The problem is that people don’t see the cause because they have disconnected from their bodies and feelings, so they aren’t aware of their reactions to events. They are not getting any information, so their reactions seem to come out of the blue. Not knowing why they are agitated makes people feel out-of-control. That leads quickly to seeing any anxiety as a sure sign that their lives are out-of-control. They try madly to figure out what’s going on and avoid any situations that they think may cause the anxiety. Then they have more and more anxiety.

Anxiety actually has a crucial purpose. It notifies us when we need to pay attention to something surfacing or about to happen. If we can see it as a helpful flag, and be willing to look at and assess a potential situation, or be with a surfacing emotion, then we can change our perception of anxiety. It becomes a useful tool. We pay attention, attend to something when we need to, and then we won’t panic. We’ll feel more in control of our lives and empowered to be in the moment and keep moving forward toward our goals.

Anxiety is supposed to be uncomfortable. It is a function of activity in the amygdala, a portion of what has been called the limbic system, the central part of the brain whose purpose is to deal with emotional reactions. The amygdala is activated when we are startled or when we anticipate an event. These could be surprises such as a car back-firing, or the phone ringing at 3:00 AM, or an event that we freely choose, such as taking part in a local production of “Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead,” going out the door into Manhattan at night, or taking the SAT’s. The amygdala’s job is to focus our attention on possible dangers. We have a choice, once it has fired. We may go on automatic and react with fight-or-flight, or we may engage the assessment functions of our more advanced brain centers. They will help us weigh the reality of the danger, check that our costume is on straight, be on guard around strangers on the street, or have our pencil sharpened. If we do not moderate the instant alert system with assessment–considering the stimulus; memory recall–comparing it to other events we’ve gone through; and strategizing–thinking what would be the best response given all the information, chances are we will find ourselves running madly away from slamming doors, or we’ll find ourselves taking a swing at a bratty brother when he comes up behind us unexpectedly. Or, we may freeze, unable to remember our lines. One thing is for sure: we’ll constantly over-estimate the amount of danger present in any given situation.

It is not the street, or the test, or the stage that actually causes the anxiety. The trigger only alerts us to check it out. But so many people back away from the triggering situation as if that will reduce their anxiety. And it does, in the moment. But it doesn’t handle the real situation. It only makes them believe that not doing things will make them feel safer.

But, every time someone backs down from a challenge, their sense of agency diminishes, and their fear increases. They feel smaller and smaller. They lose touch with themselves more and more, as they are mesmerized by the scary image front of their mind’s eye. And unless we examine this reaction in the light of day, we won’t see that we are really stuck in past fears and past events; that we are not really reacting to the reality in front of us. The performance doesn’t cause us to feel anxious. Our anticipation and history do.

Summer! Time to relax, not control

July 15, 2010

Finally! Those lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer are here! (for those of us in the northern hemisphere – sorry about the rest of you!) They bring their siren song to relax, let go of responsibilities, and have some fun – dig in the garden, ride hoses through the surf, swim in lakes, watch a ball game, anything goes.

I’m not suggesting binging on Jello shots or hitchhiking to Montana. Just expansive relaxation, reveling in what makes us happy and enjoying what we have, as well as adding a bit of adventure.

But what happens if we have a tendency to hold on too tightly, to need to be in control? What if we rob ourselves of the joy of life? Lots of people try to feel safe and on top of things by controlling themselves or situations too tightly.

There are some major problems with being a control freak:

  • We think we’re being organized, but more and more, our attention is on the world around us, rather than settled in our own sphere.
  • We avoid some pain or issue that needs our attention by controlling something else.
  • We tend to reach into territory that’s not our purview – spouses, kids, neighbors, coworkers – and damage our relationships.
  • We cut off our sense of our own bodies and energy, constricting our internal resources and our ability to relax and have fun.

To take advantage of these summer days, it helps to recognize that you may be investing too much energy in being in control, and then pry your fingers loose. Then, breathe, ground your energy in your body, center yourself, and be willing to be in the present moment, whether it involves a painful memory surging up or acknowledging that kids can be influenced, not molded, and trust that they’ll land on their feet.

The discomfort of what you’ve been avoiding will ebb as you be with it, rather than fighting it. Then, you’ll be free to enjoy the sun and soak up this precious time. Happy Summer!

Centered, For Real

July 1, 2010

Lots of people talk about being centered now (they certainly didn’t when I started working on this material in the 1970′s!) But what is it really? And how do we do it? Are we just supposed to hope that if we settle down, or think about it, we’re centered? Is it the same as being aware of ourselves rather than a bit flipped out? Is it the same as being grounded?

Our center is the place in which we are aware of our being – our sense of our true self that is deeper and more permanent than our self-concept, thoughts or even emotions. It is where we contact our essence. Our center has a location in our body, in our energy field, and in our nervous system. With practice it can be developed, as more neural synapses are trained to respond to our attention. When we are centered, that sense of being is completely satisfying. It becomes the axis around which is organized all the rest of our multi-faceted self. In fact, the more we practice, the more organized – re-aligned and settled – the rest of our experience and awareness can become.

What frees us from pain and uncovers joy is a paradox. The pit looks unfathomable and intolerable when we are outside our center. People fight to stay away from their core, fearing that, if they go in there, they’ll drown in their worst nightmares. Yet it is fighting the pain that disconnects us from our own core self as well as from the tools that release the pain. It is only by risking moving into our center that we find out that it is actually the place in which stillness, love, joy, and connection with all-that-is resides within us. It is only then that we can see that there is joy under all our pain.When we learn to perceive the real nature of our true selves, and settle into our center, the view changes completely. (From Uncover Joy, Chapter 6, Centering)

Only in the reality of the present can we love, can we awaken, can we find peace and understanding and connection with ourselves and the world. Jack Kornfield

Find out how Energy Dynamics can help you! Contact me at (802) 229-4815, or Sarah@sarahgillen.com

What does Grounding have to do with Joy?

June 17, 2010

The secret about joy is that it is only by being in the present, deeply connected and awake within ourselves, that it is possible to tap into the bliss lurking beneath the crud. Grounding enables us to be in the present. Our efforts to stay away from our old baggage actually keeps us stuck and disconnected from ourselves and traps us in pain. Grounding awakens us to our internal world, so we come face-to-face with feelings we may have been avoiding, but it also increases intuition, healing, safety, and calm.

The question is, how do we release the pain and return to ourselves? Grounding and centering are two vital steps in the answer. Used together, we can increase our body’s ability to heal, our energy to work out kinks and realign. In the process, we can resolve and release old trauma, lay to rest old losses, and change self-defeating patterns.

When, rather than being scattered, too focused on others, or self-critical, we ground ourselves, we settle into relationship with ourselves. We turn on the lights and move into our own body more completely. Rather than zoning out, or trying to get away, or tightening up to only a tiny part of ourselves (say, our minds, maybe?) we inhabit all of ourselves. We settle into what is real now, connecting inward, in order to connect outward safely and accurately. Grounding enables us to see what is around us and our place in it, and to move thru life assuredly, or at least without losing ourselves.

Smile, breathe and go slowly.  ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Keep your eyes on the stars and your feet on the ground. ~Theodore Roosevelt

Emotional Spring Cleaning

May 1, 2010

A free and full life is not without crisis and difficulty. Some trouble comes to us all. But, do we have to be contorted and arrested by those sorrows? It takes determination to remove the distorted lenses that have affected our view of life, making it look as if our old pains repeat over and over. All of us who have gone through horrific times have been handed the assignment of coming to terms with what happened rather than being diminished by them.

How do we deal with crisis and loss in such a way that we remain self-supportive and confident, having come to some peace with what happened? How we deal with pain and loss is directly related to how much joy and richness we are able to allow ourselves to experience. It is possible to reassert our sovereign place in our own story. Optimally, we’ll resolve suffering and integrate what we learned, and know our own value, moving forward more connected with ourselves and with life, with a larger sense of who we are, and with more sensitivity and empathy.

In order to free ourselves from the effects of stubborn old baggage, including trauma, we need to introduce movement into the frozen portion of the brain where overwhelming hurts are shut away. Energy is what breaks up the ice and makes things move. Our energy systems can be trained and augmented, so that we move beyond old, self-defeating beliefs and can turn our attention to what is positive and supportive. We can then lessen the power that the memories have over our emotional well-being and then include them in the story of our lives in such a way that they add meaning and depth to how we define ourselves, rather then diminishing us.

Energy Dynamics are helpful for anyone wanting to change their view of life and to feel better in themselves, not only for those who have survived seriously damaging experiences.

(from Uncover Joy:The Path Beyond Pain, Trauma, and Self-defeating Patterns, chapter 1, “Joy is Possible”)

It is the place of feeling that binds us or frees us. Jack Kornfield

The Brain’s Role in Change-Chap 3

February 4, 2010

The more we understand specific ways in which the brain behaves, the more effectively we can counter those functions that hinder our efforts, and the more we can make better use of the ones that help us. There are several mechanisms in the neurological setup that lead to continuing to feel traumatized. We will look at how those function, and later talk about unwiring them more easily and creating some breathing room for new patterns to take hold. Since the main premise of this book is that happiness is attainable and increase-able, that you can change your experience of life, then it is important to find out that it is neurologically possible to make those changes.

It is important to be in touch with your emotions

Physicians and scientists have performed research on brain-damaged people since the 1800′s for insight into the way the brain works. When patients survived serious injuries, such as a railroad spike through the skull, doctors studied them to map the functions of different areas of the brain. Another group of patients studied were those who had brain damage that had been purposefully inflicted. These were the folks considered incorrigibly dangerous who had been controlled through pre-frontal lobotomies. The pre-frontal cortex is the seat of decision-making, of pausing and considering all options before acting, of gathering information from many sensory and cognitive areas and synthesizing it. It is the part of the brain that has been called the ‘seat of civilization,’ because the mature reflective functions occur here. In a lobotomy, the connection between the pre-frontal cortex and the emotional centers such as the limbic system were severed, so that the primitive emotional reactions would no longer overpower the not fully developed thought processes in these individuals.

The surgeries were considered successes, because many criminals went from being ragingly out-of-control to easy-going and laid-back. One very interesting and devastating side-effect occurred though, that the doctors had not anticipated: these patients were completely unable to make even the smallest decision. They could weigh pros and cons, carry on intelligent conversations about various possible outcomes, but they could not decide whether to have eggs or French toast for breakfast. (ref) Why? Because it turns out that, in order to make a decision, it was imperative to be in touch with their emotions. If their emotions didn’t weigh in on a choice, people had no way of knowing what was right for them.

The felt sense of what is best for you is the most important quality in making a choice. After all the gathering of facts and weighing of options, the real decision-maker is your sense of what feels right to you. Your emotions not only gather information from the world and from your internal reality as to the impact and importance of things to you. They also are the final word on what most accurately meets your needs and wants, on as many levels as are affected by the choice.

Traumatic events and stubborn hurts do affect your brain. People unconsciously subvocalize beliefs that come out of those experiences, such as “I will never be safe,” or “No one is there when I need them,” or “I will always be alone.” In doing so you do build more dendrites on the nerve line on which that thought is stored. But it doesn’t have to stay that way. You are not stuck with the effects of whatever hurts you have experienced.


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