One early exercise to learn to affect energy and reality was to create parking spaces. For the month, our homework was to open up parking spaces before we’d arrive at a destination and would need one. Mind you, we were from the greater New York City environs, where many folks don’t own cars, if only so they won’t have to find and pay for parking spaces!

I learned as much from hearing the different ways that people approached it as from the assignment itself. One friend was Sammi, a high-powered and assertive executive in international marketing who was very clear about who she was and comfortable wielding power.

Another group member was Bridget, mother of six children who had just gone through a very nasty divorce. She hated her job because it demanded that she be high-profile and persuasive. She was much more comfortable in roles in which she provided support and advice, and she made amazing things happen from the background.

Then there was me. I was in New York dancing and trying to figure out a structure for using my clairvoyant and healing gifts. I was aware of all this energy and perception that wanted to flow through my system, pressing to be used. Yet at the same time, I was struggling with old abuse issues, so I tended to be harshly self-critical.

When we come back after the month, the leader asked us to describe what we actually did to create the parking places. Sammi said that at first she was sure she could assertively open a space by putting the force of her energy into it, carving out space for her car with her will. It didn’t work. When she asked, ‘If it is in my best interest and in the best interest of world around me, could I please have a parking place?’ – then she’d find one.

I looked at her in amusement and said, “That’s so funny, because I thought I should do the polite thing – ask carefully, be respectful, but it never worked. I drove around for hours and never found one. It wasn’t until I went into my center and toughened up and fiercely demanded it, saying, “I want it, I deserve it, and so show up NOW!” – that I’d find a space. I could even swear. All that mattered was that I be forceful and bingo, there it was. I was so confused by that, because I thought it wasn’t spiritual enough, not the way one should interact with “higher powers.”

Sammi was so assertive that her energy was limited in the ways it could interact, due to the force with which she was planted in herself. She could not take the energy of situations or other people into account until she softened and stepped back. Creating the parking space pushed her to be more aware of her relation to others.

At that time, I, on the other hand, walked through life not taking up enough room. So I had to move into the experience of deserving a parking place in order to open one for myself, rather than unconsciously emitting the intention that there was no room for me.

Bridget’s method still makes me chuckle because it was such an illustration of the nature of her gifts and energy. She psychically sent out a note to whoever was near where she wanted to park. “I’d call to all those people who were hemming and hawing, standing on one foot and then the other, not able to say good-bye, and I’d help them make the decision to leave. I just reassured them that it was okay to go now, told them to get in their cars and stop messing about. Then I could have their parking place.”

This story is a good illustration because intention – clarifying a goal, your desire to achieve it, and marshalling your energy to go for it – is a function that requires that you align yourself, be willing to be precise about what you want, to ask for it clearly, and to open space for the thing to appear. You can learn a lot about yourself by working on your technique. There is a specific area to identify in your body in which your intention consolidates. To become adept at using it successfully, it is helpful to know the energetic steps needed to create through intention.

The reason why I am including a chapter on intention is that, in the skills you will learn other chapters in the book, it will be necessary to focus yourself with intention in order to create a certain energy, or to become aware of some aspect of the skill, or to move into a new area. Intention is not just about creating Maseratis. It is also used in Energy Work to move your awareness to new levels of complexity, to increase your perception, to develop new internal abilities and states. Energy practitioners and intuitives use their intention all the time to ask for information and see the ‘unseeable.’

How do you use intention in your life? What tips would you offer others?

As winter continues (which is ok for us ski buffs but not for anyone else) the world, weather, and economy are all in upheaval. So I thought that understanding anxiety would be a helpful pre-Spring message.

More people are medicated to get away from anxiety than almost any other emotional state. People view anxiety as bad; that it means that something is wrong. Many people experience “free-floating anxiety,” meaning there is no obvious cause. The problem is that people don’t see the cause because they have disconnected from their bodies and feelings, so they aren’t aware of their reactions to events. They are not getting any information, so their reactions seem to come out of the blue. Not knowing why they are agitated makes people feel out-of-control. That leads quickly to seeing any anxiety as a sure sign that their lives are out-of-control. They try madly to figure out what’s going on and avoid any situations that they think may cause the anxiety. Then they have more and more anxiety.

Anxiety actually has a crucial purpose. It notifies us when we need to pay attention to something surfacing or about to happen. If we can see it as a helpful flag, and be willing to look at and assess a potential situation, or be with a surfacing emotion, then we can change our perception of anxiety. It becomes a useful tool. We pay attention, attend to something when we need to, and then we won’t panic. We’ll feel more in control of our lives and empowered to be in the moment and keep moving forward toward our goals.

Anxiety is supposed to be uncomfortable. It is a function of activity in the amygdala, a portion of what has been called the limbic system, the central part of the brain whose purpose is to deal with emotional reactions. The amygdala is activated when we are startled or when we anticipate an event. These could be surprises such as a car back-firing, or the phone ringing at 3:00 AM, or an event that we freely choose, such as taking part in a local production of “Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead,” going out the door into Manhattan at night, or taking the SAT’s. The amygdala’s job is to focus our attention on possible dangers. We have a choice, once it has fired. We may go on automatic and react with fight-or-flight, or we may engage the assessment functions of our more advanced brain centers. They will help us weigh the reality of the danger, check that our costume is on straight, be on guard around strangers on the street, or have our pencil sharpened. If we do not moderate the instant alert system with assessment–considering the stimulus; memory recall–comparing it to other events we’ve gone through; and strategizing–thinking what would be the best response given all the information, chances are we will find ourselves running madly away from slamming doors, or we’ll find ourselves taking a swing at a bratty brother when he comes up behind us unexpectedly. Or, we may freeze, unable to remember our lines. One thing is for sure: we’ll constantly over-estimate the amount of danger present in any given situation.

It is not the street, or the test, or the stage that actually causes the anxiety. The trigger only alerts us to check it out. But so many people back away from the triggering situation as if that will reduce their anxiety. And it does, in the moment. But it doesn’t handle the real situation. It only makes them believe that not doing things will make them feel safer.

But, every time someone backs down from a challenge, their sense of agency diminishes, and their fear increases. They feel smaller and smaller. They lose touch with themselves more and more, as they are mesmerized by the scary image front of their mind’s eye. And unless we examine this reaction in the light of day, we won’t see that we are really stuck in past fears and past events; that we are not really reacting to the reality in front of us. The performance doesn’t cause us to feel anxious. Our anticipation and history do.

Well, a researcher in operant conditioning named Karen Pryor studied a concept called extinction bursts which can give us encouragement to carry on. She found that it’s a trait of human nature to have these kinds of roadblocks, especially as we’re actually making headway. It’s the last hurrah of your old way of doing things, either to make the obstruction or to interpret wayward events as meant to defeat us.

If we know that people are designed to have that eleventh-hour setback, we can take a deep breath, extend our notion of success out a bit, and keep going however we can. We can even give ourselves a high-five, because it happens when we’ve been on a roll.

I’ve had this happen and took it to mean I’d failed at my progress.When has this happened to you? What happened and what did you think it meant? It’d be great to see how universal this experience is.

Dame Judy Dench, arguably one of the best actors in the world, has primarily played sure-footed women. She was being interviewed on National Public Radio to introduce her latest series, “Cranford,” as I wrote the first draft of this chapter. One of the things she said of her acting career was, “Those characters are not who I am. Everything I have done has brought up such anxiety, so much anxiety.”

Dame Judy was anxious because she had to wrestle with her doubt that she’d do a good job. It seems that no one is free of doubts and critical inner voices. Self-doubt seems to be part of the human condition (except in psychopaths and people who blame others for everything), and it is impossible to eradicate completely. As a great actor, Dame Judy is an example of someone who clearly knows how to deal with her anxiety and move forward.

Even when we have done the work of facing painful feelings and restructuring self-defeating beliefs, many of us continue the habit of questioning ourselves unnecessarily or turning against ourselves when something goes wrong. Self-doubt is a habit that no longer serves a protective purpose. It only undermines our efforts to build self- assurance and a new outlook by uncentering us and thus disorganizing our sense of ourselves. We must see that self-criticism and shame are not based on the reality of who we are but rather are attempts to control our pain without dealing with it directly.

If our old sense of self is based on self-criticism and self-hatred, we must be emphatic in treating ourselves positively in order to build a stance based on self-love and a realistic appreciation of our worth. It isn’t overcompensation. It simply feels that way if we’ve had a taboo against being on our own side.

Valuing ourselves is not just a nice idea. It is crucial in order to turn away from those deeply grooved pathways of self-doubt, second-guessing, anticipating disaster, and despair. We cannot wait for circumstances to pop self-confidence over our heads like a new sweater. We must train minds to see ourselves as valuable and precious. Joy is not an externally induced event, which actually is a great relief.  Our joy is not dependent on events or other people. Even if it feels as though we’re breaking taboos, and the wrath of all the gods will pour down on our heads for doing so, we can choose to invest in a true, positive sense of ourselves.

As this is my first book, and I really want it to have a wide reception, so I’ve kept looking for major agents and publishers. I just finished putting out what may be the last one. Will see what happens, although I do sense that all the powers-that-be (my Guides) that have been involved with getting the book out are on the side of this one.

The question about self-publishing, going with a small house or trying for a big one has changed so much as computers have made it easier to publish, and the economy has forced big publishers to offer fewer services.

It used to be said that self-publishing enabled you to get your book out quickly, but then you had to do all the editing and marketing yourself. Now, major houses offer much less editing and want to know what your marketing plan is. What you do get is the recognition that you’ve beat out the competition. Having a major publisher still gives you lots of street cred.

The good news is, I’m committed to having the book for sale in 2011, possibly by summer. I’ll keep you posted!

What are your experiences with getting large, complex book published? What worked? What didn’t? Who did you end up with?

I’m not suggesting binging on Jello shots or hitchhiking to Montana. Just expansive relaxation, reveling in what makes us happy and enjoying what we have, as well as adding a bit of adventure.

But what happens if we have a tendency to hold on too tightly, to need to be in control? What if we rob ourselves of the joy of life? Lots of people try to feel safe and on top of things by controlling themselves or situations too tightly.

There are some major problems with being a control freak:

• We think we’re being organized, but more and more, our attention is on the world around us, rather than settled in our own sphere.
• We avoid some pain or issue that needs our attention by controlling something else.
• We tend to reach into territory that’s not our purview – spouses, kids, neighbors, coworkers – and damage our relationships.
• We cut off our sense of our own bodies and energy, constricting our internal resources and our ability to relax and have fun.

To take advantage of these summer days, it helps to recognize that you may be investing too much energy in being in control, and then pry your fingers loose. Then, breathe, ground your energy in your body, center yourself, and be willing to be in the present moment, whether it involves a painful memory surging up or acknowledging that kids can be influenced, not molded, and trust that they’ll land on their feet.

The discomfort of what you’ve been avoiding will ebb as you be with it, rather than fighting it. Then, you’ll be free to enjoy the sun and soak up this precious time. Happy Summer!

Our center is the place in which we are aware of our being – our sense of our true self that is deeper and more permanent than our self-concept, thoughts or even emotions. It is where we contact our essence. Our center has a location in our body, in our energy field, and in our nervous system. With practice it can be developed, as more neural synapses are trained to respond to our attention. When we are centered, that sense of being is completely satisfying. It becomes the axis around which is organized all the rest of our multi-faceted self. In fact, the more we practice, the more organized – re-aligned and settled – the rest of our experience and awareness can become.

What frees us from pain and uncovers joy is a paradox. The pit looks unfathomable and intolerable when we are outside our center. People fight to stay away from their core, fearing that, if they go in there, they’ll drown in their worst nightmares. Yet it is fighting the pain that disconnects us from our own core self as well as from the tools that release the pain. It is only by risking moving into our center that we find out that it is actually the place in which stillness, love, joy, and connection with all-that-is resides within us. It is only then that we can see that there is joy under all our pain.When we learn to perceive the real nature of our true selves, and settle into our center, the view changes completely. (From Uncover Joy, Chapter 6, Centering)

Only in the reality of the present can we love, can we awaken, can we find peace and understanding and connection with ourselves and the world. Jack Kornfield

Find out how Energy Dynamics can help you! Contact me at (802) 229-4815, or Sarah@sarahgillen.com

The question is, how do we release the pain and return to ourselves? Grounding and centering are two vital steps in the answer. Used together, we can increase our body’s ability to heal, our energy to work out kinks and realign. In the process, we can resolve and release old trauma, lay to rest old losses, and change self-defeating patterns.

When, rather than being scattered, too focused on others, or self-critical, we ground ourselves, we settle into relationship with ourselves. We turn on the lights and move into our own body more completely. Rather than zoning out, or trying to get away, or tightening up to only a tiny part of ourselves (say, our minds, maybe?) we inhabit all of ourselves. We settle into what is real now, connecting inward, in order to connect outward safely and accurately. Grounding enables us to see what is around us and our place in it, and to move thru life assuredly, or at least without losing ourselves.

Smile, breathe and go slowly.  ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Keep your eyes on the stars and your feet on the ground. ~Theodore Roosevelt

Watch as Dr. Northrup invites midlife women to embrace their inner wisdom and transform the second half of their lives. Click here to see a trailer for PBS special Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom. To find show times in your area, go to your local Public Broadcasting Station’s Web site or www.PBS.org.