Posts Tagged ‘being present’

Using Intention to Uncover Joy (or, How do you make these techniques work anyway?)

April 28, 2011

When I was learning to see energy and use psychic skills, I met with a group once a month for a day or a weekend. This was before there were any acupuncture schools in the United States, let alone any recognition for consciousness work. There was a surge of interest in alternative medicine, eastern religions, and spiritual topics but no structure for them and no acceptance by the culture at large. Back then, we didn’t talk in terms of laws of intention or attraction. In the group, we explored expanding our perceptual abilities, experiencing different states, transmitting them to each other, and checking veracity and accuracy.

One early exercise to learn to affect energy and reality was to create parking spaces. For the month, our homework was to open up parking spaces before we’d arrive at a destination and would need one. Mind you, we were from the greater New York City environs, where many folks don’t own cars, if only so they won’t have to find and pay for parking spaces!

I learned as much from hearing the different ways that people approached it as from the assignment itself. One friend was Sammi, a high-powered and assertive executive in international marketing who was very clear about who she was and comfortable wielding power.

Another group member was Bridget, mother of six children who had just gone through a very nasty divorce. She hated her job because it demanded that she be high-profile and persuasive. She was much more comfortable in roles in which she provided support and advice, and she made amazing things happen from the background.

Then there was me. I was in New York dancing and trying to figure out a structure for using my clairvoyant and healing gifts. I was aware of all this energy and perception that wanted to flow through my system, pressing to be used. Yet at the same time, I was struggling with old abuse issues, so I tended to be harshly self-critical.

When we come back after the month, the leader asked us to describe what we actually did to create the parking places. Sammi said that at first she was sure she could assertively open a space by putting the force of her energy into it, carving out space for her car with her will. It didn’t work. When she asked, ‘If it is in my best interest and in the best interest of world around me, could I please have a parking place?’ – then she’d find one.

I looked at her in amusement and said, “That’s so funny, because I thought I should do the polite thing – ask carefully, be respectful, but it never worked. I drove around for hours and never found one. It wasn’t until I went into my center and toughened up and fiercely demanded it, saying, “I want it, I deserve it, and so show up NOW!” – that I’d find a space. I could even swear. All that mattered was that I be forceful and bingo, there it was. I was so confused by that, because I thought it wasn’t spiritual enough, not the way one should interact with “higher powers.”

Sammi was so assertive that her energy was limited in the ways it could interact, due to the force with which she was planted in herself. She could not take the energy of situations or other people into account until she softened and stepped back. Creating the parking space pushed her to be more aware of her relation to others.

At that time, I, on the other hand, walked through life not taking up enough room. So I had to move into the experience of deserving a parking place in order to open one for myself, rather than unconsciously emitting the intention that there was no room for me.

Bridget’s method still makes me chuckle because it was such an illustration of the nature of her gifts and energy. She psychically sent out a note to whoever was near where she wanted to park. “I’d call to all those people who were hemming and hawing, standing on one foot and then the other, not able to say good-bye, and I’d help them make the decision to leave. I just reassured them that it was okay to go now, told them to get in their cars and stop messing about. Then I could have their parking place.”

This story is a good illustration because intention – clarifying a goal, your desire to achieve it, and marshalling your energy to go for it – is a function that requires that you align yourself, be willing to be precise about what you want, to ask for it clearly, and to open space for the thing to appear. You can learn a lot about yourself by working on your technique. There is a specific area to identify in your body in which your intention consolidates. To become adept at using it successfully, it is helpful to know the energetic steps needed to create through intention.

The reason why I am including a chapter on intention is that, in the skills you will learn other chapters in the book, it will be necessary to focus yourself with intention in order to create a certain energy, or to become aware of some aspect of the skill, or to move into a new area. Intention is not just about creating Maseratis. It is also used in Energy Work to move your awareness to new levels of complexity, to increase your perception, to develop new internal abilities and states. Energy practitioners and intuitives use their intention all the time to ask for information and see the ‘unseeable.’

How do you use intention in your life? What tips would you offer others?

Not reaching your goal? It may be an extinction burst.

February 14, 2011

Have you ever been working on something – losing weight, being more patient with coworkers, exercising regularly, developing a more positive outlook – and there you are, making steady progress, working the system, and suddenly, BAM! Something happens that seems to annihilate all you efforts: you go on a binge – for a week. You lose it with a report at work. You break your leg.  Some thug steals your wallet. It looks as if the Universe is telling you that you will not be successful , so you might as well give up on that goal.

Well, a researcher in operant conditioning named Karen Pryor studied a concept called extinction bursts which can give us encouragement to carry on. She found that it’s a trait of human nature to have these kinds of roadblocks, especially as we’re actually making headway. It’s the last hurrah of your old way of doing things, either to make the obstruction or to interpret wayward events as meant to defeat us.

If we know that people are designed to have that eleventh-hour setback, we can take a deep breath, extend our notion of success out a bit, and keep going however we can. We can even give ourselves a high-five, because it happens when we’ve been on a roll.

I’ve had this happen and took it to mean I’d failed at my progress.When has this happened to you? What happened and what did you think it meant? It’d be great to see how universal this experience is.

Even Judy Dench doubts herself

February 2, 2011

From Chapter 16: Value Yourself Highly:

Dame Judy Dench, arguably one of the best actors in the world, has primarily played sure-footed women. She was being interviewed on National Public Radio to introduce her latest series, “Cranford,” as I wrote the first draft of this chapter. One of the things she said of her acting career was, “Those characters are not who I am. Everything I have done has brought up such anxiety, so much anxiety.”

Dame Judy was anxious because she had to wrestle with her doubt that she’d do a good job. It seems that no one is free of doubts and critical inner voices. Self-doubt seems to be part of the human condition (except in psychopaths and people who blame others for everything), and it is impossible to eradicate completely. As a great actor, Dame Judy is an example of someone who clearly knows how to deal with her anxiety and move forward.

Even when we have done the work of facing painful feelings and restructuring self-defeating beliefs, many of us continue the habit of questioning ourselves unnecessarily or turning against ourselves when something goes wrong. Self-doubt is a habit that no longer serves a protective purpose. It only undermines our efforts to build self- assurance and a new outlook by uncentering us and thus disorganizing our sense of ourselves. We must see that self-criticism and shame are not based on the reality of who we are but rather are attempts to control our pain without dealing with it directly.

If our old sense of self is based on self-criticism and self-hatred, we must be emphatic in treating ourselves positively in order to build a stance based on self-love and a realistic appreciation of our worth. It isn’t overcompensation. It simply feels that way if we’ve had a taboo against being on our own side.

Valuing ourselves is not just a nice idea. It is crucial in order to turn away from those deeply grooved pathways of self-doubt, second-guessing, anticipating disaster, and despair. We cannot wait for circumstances to pop self-confidence over our heads like a new sweater. We must train minds to see ourselves as valuable and precious. Joy is not an externally induced event, which actually is a great relief.  Our joy is not dependent on events or other people. Even if it feels as though we’re breaking taboos, and the wrath of all the gods will pour down on our heads for doing so, we can choose to invest in a true, positive sense of ourselves.

Summer! Time to relax, not control

July 15, 2010

Finally! Those lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer are here! (for those of us in the northern hemisphere – sorry about the rest of you!) They bring their siren song to relax, let go of responsibilities, and have some fun – dig in the garden, ride hoses through the surf, swim in lakes, watch a ball game, anything goes.

I’m not suggesting binging on Jello shots or hitchhiking to Montana. Just expansive relaxation, reveling in what makes us happy and enjoying what we have, as well as adding a bit of adventure.

But what happens if we have a tendency to hold on too tightly, to need to be in control? What if we rob ourselves of the joy of life? Lots of people try to feel safe and on top of things by controlling themselves or situations too tightly.

There are some major problems with being a control freak:

  • We think we’re being organized, but more and more, our attention is on the world around us, rather than settled in our own sphere.
  • We avoid some pain or issue that needs our attention by controlling something else.
  • We tend to reach into territory that’s not our purview – spouses, kids, neighbors, coworkers – and damage our relationships.
  • We cut off our sense of our own bodies and energy, constricting our internal resources and our ability to relax and have fun.

To take advantage of these summer days, it helps to recognize that you may be investing too much energy in being in control, and then pry your fingers loose. Then, breathe, ground your energy in your body, center yourself, and be willing to be in the present moment, whether it involves a painful memory surging up or acknowledging that kids can be influenced, not molded, and trust that they’ll land on their feet.

The discomfort of what you’ve been avoiding will ebb as you be with it, rather than fighting it. Then, you’ll be free to enjoy the sun and soak up this precious time. Happy Summer!

Centered, For Real

July 1, 2010

Lots of people talk about being centered now (they certainly didn’t when I started working on this material in the 1970′s!) But what is it really? And how do we do it? Are we just supposed to hope that if we settle down, or think about it, we’re centered? Is it the same as being aware of ourselves rather than a bit flipped out? Is it the same as being grounded?

Our center is the place in which we are aware of our being – our sense of our true self that is deeper and more permanent than our self-concept, thoughts or even emotions. It is where we contact our essence. Our center has a location in our body, in our energy field, and in our nervous system. With practice it can be developed, as more neural synapses are trained to respond to our attention. When we are centered, that sense of being is completely satisfying. It becomes the axis around which is organized all the rest of our multi-faceted self. In fact, the more we practice, the more organized – re-aligned and settled – the rest of our experience and awareness can become.

What frees us from pain and uncovers joy is a paradox. The pit looks unfathomable and intolerable when we are outside our center. People fight to stay away from their core, fearing that, if they go in there, they’ll drown in their worst nightmares. Yet it is fighting the pain that disconnects us from our own core self as well as from the tools that release the pain. It is only by risking moving into our center that we find out that it is actually the place in which stillness, love, joy, and connection with all-that-is resides within us. It is only then that we can see that there is joy under all our pain.When we learn to perceive the real nature of our true selves, and settle into our center, the view changes completely. (From Uncover Joy, Chapter 6, Centering)

Only in the reality of the present can we love, can we awaken, can we find peace and understanding and connection with ourselves and the world. Jack Kornfield

Find out how Energy Dynamics can help you! Contact me at (802) 229-4815, or Sarah@sarahgillen.com

What does Grounding have to do with Joy?

June 17, 2010

The secret about joy is that it is only by being in the present, deeply connected and awake within ourselves, that it is possible to tap into the bliss lurking beneath the crud. Grounding enables us to be in the present. Our efforts to stay away from our old baggage actually keeps us stuck and disconnected from ourselves and traps us in pain. Grounding awakens us to our internal world, so we come face-to-face with feelings we may have been avoiding, but it also increases intuition, healing, safety, and calm.

The question is, how do we release the pain and return to ourselves? Grounding and centering are two vital steps in the answer. Used together, we can increase our body’s ability to heal, our energy to work out kinks and realign. In the process, we can resolve and release old trauma, lay to rest old losses, and change self-defeating patterns.

When, rather than being scattered, too focused on others, or self-critical, we ground ourselves, we settle into relationship with ourselves. We turn on the lights and move into our own body more completely. Rather than zoning out, or trying to get away, or tightening up to only a tiny part of ourselves (say, our minds, maybe?) we inhabit all of ourselves. We settle into what is real now, connecting inward, in order to connect outward safely and accurately. Grounding enables us to see what is around us and our place in it, and to move thru life assuredly, or at least without losing ourselves.

Smile, breathe and go slowly.  ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Keep your eyes on the stars and your feet on the ground. ~Theodore Roosevelt

Gardening and Roots

June 1, 2010

Now that the weather is (hopefully!) staying warm, planting season is here in earnest. Everyone in this rural area spends Memorial Day weekend farming like mad, no matter the size of their land. As the tomatoes, lettuce and delicata squash settle into the earth and send down roots to grow strong, we have a chance to do the same for ourselves. We can move into summer paying attention to grounding ourselves.

One of the major benefits of being grounded is that we are able to stay firmly in our own place rather than being blown around by other people or events. The perfect example is the martial arts master. Often in movies he is depicted as a small, wizened, old man who works, say, in a Chinese restaurant as a dishwasher. Unbeknownst to the owner and others who, from the audience’s viewpoint, ought to know better, the gentle man is a top-notch practitioner. One evening, bent on vendetta against the restaurateur, large thugs crashes into the restaurant through the kitchen. The old man is in their way. They try to shove him aside. They cannot. They get madder and shove harder. They cannot budge the old man, who is still looking like a feeble dishwasher. They try to pick him up. They yank his arm. They cannot get past him. First they look perplexed, and then they get scared.

Even without vanquishing bad guys, grounding keeps you solidly placed, so that you don’t feel buffeted or thrown off. This is a boon when giving speeches, when making dinner for a passle of tired children, when your boss wants fourteen things at once, or when the news makes the world sound like a scary place. It involves connecting with yourself, your energy, and also contacting the earth beneath your feet. It is an interchange of energy that provides strong benefits and results.

Connecting with the earth allows you to regain regain perspective. If an emotion has ballooned out of all proportion, the feeling settles down to its real size when you gain perspective by feeling your body in contact with the earth. Grounding helps you process painful feelings by helping you see that they are not as all-consuming as you feared, and by keeping you connected with reality in the present.

Gardeners know how grounding it is to plant and tend the earth. We can teach ourselves to ground wherever we are and reap the benefits of being calmer and more settled. Breathe!

(from Uncover Joy, chapter 5, Grounding)

Gardening gives one back a sense of proportion about everything – except itself.  ~May Sarton, Plant Dreaming Deep, 1968
Gardening is about enjoying the smell of things growing in the soil, getting dirty without feeling guilty, and generally taking the time to soak up a little peace and serenity.  ~Lindley Karstens, noproblemgarden.com

Crisis have you tense? Learn to surf!

May 11, 2010

Jack’s boss criticized him in front of his entire team. By the time he got home, he was not only fuming, he was tight and agitated, planning how he’d show her that he was on top of his game, and on top of the project. The problem was, for the next week, he tried so hard that his tension undermined his performance.

Many of us have spent too much of our lives feeling threatened, so we unknowingly take criticisms, or difficult interactions as more danger than they may actually be. It’s human nature to clench and scrabble, trying to find some hold on events. It can be as if we are trying to hold onto our sense of our lives, and of ourselves as stable. But the clenching takes our attention away from dealing with the situation, so we are less effective. While it is an automatic reaction, it doesn’t help our cause.

What needs to come in, at those moments when our fretting is keeping us up at night, is trust in our experience and our practice of new ways of being. Paradoxically, what keeps us safe and makes us effective is to let go, to allow our survival to be a matter of faith, something that we take for granted (not easy to do for those with trauma in their background), to float on the surge and swell of the event, rather than trying to make the water be still, or to grab onto something for dear life. All that gets us is a fight with the water and more tendency to sink.

Here is where the value of learning to ground and center comes in. When you can identify that reaction of trying to get a grip, developing an internal, kinesthetic sense of your self and your energy body allows you to let go and trust that you will continue to exist. Then you can focus on seeing the event clearly, assessing best action, and doing it. You have more time to notice that it is not life-threatening, that it may be obnoxious or inconvenient, but you can feel good about being able to swim through it.

When Jack became aware of his trying to feel in control again by clenching, he realized that his boss’s criticism had triggered memories of feeling humiliated by his father, who had laughed at him in front of his drinking buddies. Reminding himself that his boss was not his father, Jack was able to turn his efforts to breathing, reconnecting with his felt sense of his body, and be aware of his feet contacting the earth, even in meetings. Rather than resent his boss, he tried assuming that his job was safe. As he felt lighter, he suddenly saw his project from a new angle and got an idea that improved it and open up new options.

If the situation really is threatening, you will have more chance to survive if you can see best options by letting go of the grip that constricts your energy. No matter what, if you ride the wave, you still have your self, and a firmer sense of your being, as you move through the crisis and come out the other side. And it won’t turn into one of those events that adds to old trauma or old beliefs that you can’t survive. Rather it will build on the truth that you are good at body-surfing.

You Can Only Get There From Here!

April 1, 2010

Crusty New Englanders might want to pull an April Fool on you on a muddy road somewhere and tell you that you can’t get theah from heah. But if your work depends on the accuracy of your perceptions, or you are on a journey of self-actualization, you can ge3t anywhere, but only if you start from here – where you are, right now. It doesn’t matter if your goal is to enhance the joy in your life, increase productivity, communicate more effectively, be a healer, develop your intuition, or feel better in your body. True perception requires knowing where you are in space and in your physical body. You must have your awareness open, clear, and firmly planted in the present. Only then can you be accurate about what you perceive, where it originated, and what it means. Is it yours or are you picking up someone else’s emotional state? Is it an intuition, or a reaction triggered by your past? Is it a response to a preoccupation or passing thought, or is it an insight into the situation that you are exploring?

We all unknowingly try to soothe ourselves by distancing ourselves from discomfort or pain. We also get thrown off when we are not aware that we are being swayed by others. As Ramorrah said in a class in which I taught coaches to use Energy Work, “Our bodies are crucial to help us know when we’re authentic, aren’t they?” By connecting with our present bodily experience, we land ourselves in the real present, not philosophically, but concretely.

Our bodies are the locus of all the information we receive. By being willing to be present in our bodies, we connect more fully with the present moment. We also are more able to release blocks, and to countering distortions in perception, including those caused by the past. It is the most direct way to become more adept. The best way to come home to our bodies, to relieve any discomfort we find there, to increase our awareness, is through our breath.

Try this: For the next two weeks, when some discomfort makes you want to get away from your present reality, take several deep breaths instead. Stand still for a few moments and simply feel the sensations of breathing. See what happens. Muddy roads or no, you can get anywhere from here!

For breath is life, and if you breathe well, you will live long on earth.  ~Sanskrit Proverb


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