Posts Tagged ‘Joy’

Using Intention to Uncover Joy (or, How do you make these techniques work anyway?)

April 28, 2011

When I was learning to see energy and use psychic skills, I met with a group once a month for a day or a weekend. This was before there were any acupuncture schools in the United States, let alone any recognition for consciousness work. There was a surge of interest in alternative medicine, eastern religions, and spiritual topics but no structure for them and no acceptance by the culture at large. Back then, we didn’t talk in terms of laws of intention or attraction. In the group, we explored expanding our perceptual abilities, experiencing different states, transmitting them to each other, and checking veracity and accuracy.

One early exercise to learn to affect energy and reality was to create parking spaces. For the month, our homework was to open up parking spaces before we’d arrive at a destination and would need one. Mind you, we were from the greater New York City environs, where many folks don’t own cars, if only so they won’t have to find and pay for parking spaces!

I learned as much from hearing the different ways that people approached it as from the assignment itself. One friend was Sammi, a high-powered and assertive executive in international marketing who was very clear about who she was and comfortable wielding power.

Another group member was Bridget, mother of six children who had just gone through a very nasty divorce. She hated her job because it demanded that she be high-profile and persuasive. She was much more comfortable in roles in which she provided support and advice, and she made amazing things happen from the background.

Then there was me. I was in New York dancing and trying to figure out a structure for using my clairvoyant and healing gifts. I was aware of all this energy and perception that wanted to flow through my system, pressing to be used. Yet at the same time, I was struggling with old abuse issues, so I tended to be harshly self-critical.

When we come back after the month, the leader asked us to describe what we actually did to create the parking places. Sammi said that at first she was sure she could assertively open a space by putting the force of her energy into it, carving out space for her car with her will. It didn’t work. When she asked, ‘If it is in my best interest and in the best interest of world around me, could I please have a parking place?’ – then she’d find one.

I looked at her in amusement and said, “That’s so funny, because I thought I should do the polite thing – ask carefully, be respectful, but it never worked. I drove around for hours and never found one. It wasn’t until I went into my center and toughened up and fiercely demanded it, saying, “I want it, I deserve it, and so show up NOW!” – that I’d find a space. I could even swear. All that mattered was that I be forceful and bingo, there it was. I was so confused by that, because I thought it wasn’t spiritual enough, not the way one should interact with “higher powers.”

Sammi was so assertive that her energy was limited in the ways it could interact, due to the force with which she was planted in herself. She could not take the energy of situations or other people into account until she softened and stepped back. Creating the parking space pushed her to be more aware of her relation to others.

At that time, I, on the other hand, walked through life not taking up enough room. So I had to move into the experience of deserving a parking place in order to open one for myself, rather than unconsciously emitting the intention that there was no room for me.

Bridget’s method still makes me chuckle because it was such an illustration of the nature of her gifts and energy. She psychically sent out a note to whoever was near where she wanted to park. “I’d call to all those people who were hemming and hawing, standing on one foot and then the other, not able to say good-bye, and I’d help them make the decision to leave. I just reassured them that it was okay to go now, told them to get in their cars and stop messing about. Then I could have their parking place.”

This story is a good illustration because intention – clarifying a goal, your desire to achieve it, and marshalling your energy to go for it – is a function that requires that you align yourself, be willing to be precise about what you want, to ask for it clearly, and to open space for the thing to appear. You can learn a lot about yourself by working on your technique. There is a specific area to identify in your body in which your intention consolidates. To become adept at using it successfully, it is helpful to know the energetic steps needed to create through intention.

The reason why I am including a chapter on intention is that, in the skills you will learn other chapters in the book, it will be necessary to focus yourself with intention in order to create a certain energy, or to become aware of some aspect of the skill, or to move into a new area. Intention is not just about creating Maseratis. It is also used in Energy Work to move your awareness to new levels of complexity, to increase your perception, to develop new internal abilities and states. Energy practitioners and intuitives use their intention all the time to ask for information and see the ‘unseeable.’

How do you use intention in your life? What tips would you offer others?

Even Judy Dench doubts herself

February 2, 2011

From Chapter 16: Value Yourself Highly:

Dame Judy Dench, arguably one of the best actors in the world, has primarily played sure-footed women. She was being interviewed on National Public Radio to introduce her latest series, “Cranford,” as I wrote the first draft of this chapter. One of the things she said of her acting career was, “Those characters are not who I am. Everything I have done has brought up such anxiety, so much anxiety.”

Dame Judy was anxious because she had to wrestle with her doubt that she’d do a good job. It seems that no one is free of doubts and critical inner voices. Self-doubt seems to be part of the human condition (except in psychopaths and people who blame others for everything), and it is impossible to eradicate completely. As a great actor, Dame Judy is an example of someone who clearly knows how to deal with her anxiety and move forward.

Even when we have done the work of facing painful feelings and restructuring self-defeating beliefs, many of us continue the habit of questioning ourselves unnecessarily or turning against ourselves when something goes wrong. Self-doubt is a habit that no longer serves a protective purpose. It only undermines our efforts to build self- assurance and a new outlook by uncentering us and thus disorganizing our sense of ourselves. We must see that self-criticism and shame are not based on the reality of who we are but rather are attempts to control our pain without dealing with it directly.

If our old sense of self is based on self-criticism and self-hatred, we must be emphatic in treating ourselves positively in order to build a stance based on self-love and a realistic appreciation of our worth. It isn’t overcompensation. It simply feels that way if we’ve had a taboo against being on our own side.

Valuing ourselves is not just a nice idea. It is crucial in order to turn away from those deeply grooved pathways of self-doubt, second-guessing, anticipating disaster, and despair. We cannot wait for circumstances to pop self-confidence over our heads like a new sweater. We must train minds to see ourselves as valuable and precious. Joy is not an externally induced event, which actually is a great relief.  Our joy is not dependent on events or other people. Even if it feels as though we’re breaking taboos, and the wrath of all the gods will pour down on our heads for doing so, we can choose to invest in a true, positive sense of ourselves.

Summer! Time to relax, not control

July 15, 2010

Finally! Those lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer are here! (for those of us in the northern hemisphere – sorry about the rest of you!) They bring their siren song to relax, let go of responsibilities, and have some fun – dig in the garden, ride hoses through the surf, swim in lakes, watch a ball game, anything goes.

I’m not suggesting binging on Jello shots or hitchhiking to Montana. Just expansive relaxation, reveling in what makes us happy and enjoying what we have, as well as adding a bit of adventure.

But what happens if we have a tendency to hold on too tightly, to need to be in control? What if we rob ourselves of the joy of life? Lots of people try to feel safe and on top of things by controlling themselves or situations too tightly.

There are some major problems with being a control freak:

  • We think we’re being organized, but more and more, our attention is on the world around us, rather than settled in our own sphere.
  • We avoid some pain or issue that needs our attention by controlling something else.
  • We tend to reach into territory that’s not our purview – spouses, kids, neighbors, coworkers – and damage our relationships.
  • We cut off our sense of our own bodies and energy, constricting our internal resources and our ability to relax and have fun.

To take advantage of these summer days, it helps to recognize that you may be investing too much energy in being in control, and then pry your fingers loose. Then, breathe, ground your energy in your body, center yourself, and be willing to be in the present moment, whether it involves a painful memory surging up or acknowledging that kids can be influenced, not molded, and trust that they’ll land on their feet.

The discomfort of what you’ve been avoiding will ebb as you be with it, rather than fighting it. Then, you’ll be free to enjoy the sun and soak up this precious time. Happy Summer!

Centered, For Real

July 1, 2010

Lots of people talk about being centered now (they certainly didn’t when I started working on this material in the 1970′s!) But what is it really? And how do we do it? Are we just supposed to hope that if we settle down, or think about it, we’re centered? Is it the same as being aware of ourselves rather than a bit flipped out? Is it the same as being grounded?

Our center is the place in which we are aware of our being – our sense of our true self that is deeper and more permanent than our self-concept, thoughts or even emotions. It is where we contact our essence. Our center has a location in our body, in our energy field, and in our nervous system. With practice it can be developed, as more neural synapses are trained to respond to our attention. When we are centered, that sense of being is completely satisfying. It becomes the axis around which is organized all the rest of our multi-faceted self. In fact, the more we practice, the more organized – re-aligned and settled – the rest of our experience and awareness can become.

What frees us from pain and uncovers joy is a paradox. The pit looks unfathomable and intolerable when we are outside our center. People fight to stay away from their core, fearing that, if they go in there, they’ll drown in their worst nightmares. Yet it is fighting the pain that disconnects us from our own core self as well as from the tools that release the pain. It is only by risking moving into our center that we find out that it is actually the place in which stillness, love, joy, and connection with all-that-is resides within us. It is only then that we can see that there is joy under all our pain.When we learn to perceive the real nature of our true selves, and settle into our center, the view changes completely. (From Uncover Joy, Chapter 6, Centering)

Only in the reality of the present can we love, can we awaken, can we find peace and understanding and connection with ourselves and the world. Jack Kornfield

Find out how Energy Dynamics can help you! Contact me at (802) 229-4815, or Sarah@sarahgillen.com

What does Grounding have to do with Joy?

June 17, 2010

The secret about joy is that it is only by being in the present, deeply connected and awake within ourselves, that it is possible to tap into the bliss lurking beneath the crud. Grounding enables us to be in the present. Our efforts to stay away from our old baggage actually keeps us stuck and disconnected from ourselves and traps us in pain. Grounding awakens us to our internal world, so we come face-to-face with feelings we may have been avoiding, but it also increases intuition, healing, safety, and calm.

The question is, how do we release the pain and return to ourselves? Grounding and centering are two vital steps in the answer. Used together, we can increase our body’s ability to heal, our energy to work out kinks and realign. In the process, we can resolve and release old trauma, lay to rest old losses, and change self-defeating patterns.

When, rather than being scattered, too focused on others, or self-critical, we ground ourselves, we settle into relationship with ourselves. We turn on the lights and move into our own body more completely. Rather than zoning out, or trying to get away, or tightening up to only a tiny part of ourselves (say, our minds, maybe?) we inhabit all of ourselves. We settle into what is real now, connecting inward, in order to connect outward safely and accurately. Grounding enables us to see what is around us and our place in it, and to move thru life assuredly, or at least without losing ourselves.

Smile, breathe and go slowly.  ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Keep your eyes on the stars and your feet on the ground. ~Theodore Roosevelt

Gardening and Roots

June 1, 2010

Now that the weather is (hopefully!) staying warm, planting season is here in earnest. Everyone in this rural area spends Memorial Day weekend farming like mad, no matter the size of their land. As the tomatoes, lettuce and delicata squash settle into the earth and send down roots to grow strong, we have a chance to do the same for ourselves. We can move into summer paying attention to grounding ourselves.

One of the major benefits of being grounded is that we are able to stay firmly in our own place rather than being blown around by other people or events. The perfect example is the martial arts master. Often in movies he is depicted as a small, wizened, old man who works, say, in a Chinese restaurant as a dishwasher. Unbeknownst to the owner and others who, from the audience’s viewpoint, ought to know better, the gentle man is a top-notch practitioner. One evening, bent on vendetta against the restaurateur, large thugs crashes into the restaurant through the kitchen. The old man is in their way. They try to shove him aside. They cannot. They get madder and shove harder. They cannot budge the old man, who is still looking like a feeble dishwasher. They try to pick him up. They yank his arm. They cannot get past him. First they look perplexed, and then they get scared.

Even without vanquishing bad guys, grounding keeps you solidly placed, so that you don’t feel buffeted or thrown off. This is a boon when giving speeches, when making dinner for a passle of tired children, when your boss wants fourteen things at once, or when the news makes the world sound like a scary place. It involves connecting with yourself, your energy, and also contacting the earth beneath your feet. It is an interchange of energy that provides strong benefits and results.

Connecting with the earth allows you to regain regain perspective. If an emotion has ballooned out of all proportion, the feeling settles down to its real size when you gain perspective by feeling your body in contact with the earth. Grounding helps you process painful feelings by helping you see that they are not as all-consuming as you feared, and by keeping you connected with reality in the present.

Gardeners know how grounding it is to plant and tend the earth. We can teach ourselves to ground wherever we are and reap the benefits of being calmer and more settled. Breathe!

(from Uncover Joy, chapter 5, Grounding)

Gardening gives one back a sense of proportion about everything – except itself.  ~May Sarton, Plant Dreaming Deep, 1968
Gardening is about enjoying the smell of things growing in the soil, getting dirty without feeling guilty, and generally taking the time to soak up a little peace and serenity.  ~Lindley Karstens, noproblemgarden.com

Emotional Spring Cleaning

May 1, 2010

A free and full life is not without crisis and difficulty. Some trouble comes to us all. But, do we have to be contorted and arrested by those sorrows? It takes determination to remove the distorted lenses that have affected our view of life, making it look as if our old pains repeat over and over. All of us who have gone through horrific times have been handed the assignment of coming to terms with what happened rather than being diminished by them.

How do we deal with crisis and loss in such a way that we remain self-supportive and confident, having come to some peace with what happened? How we deal with pain and loss is directly related to how much joy and richness we are able to allow ourselves to experience. It is possible to reassert our sovereign place in our own story. Optimally, we’ll resolve suffering and integrate what we learned, and know our own value, moving forward more connected with ourselves and with life, with a larger sense of who we are, and with more sensitivity and empathy.

In order to free ourselves from the effects of stubborn old baggage, including trauma, we need to introduce movement into the frozen portion of the brain where overwhelming hurts are shut away. Energy is what breaks up the ice and makes things move. Our energy systems can be trained and augmented, so that we move beyond old, self-defeating beliefs and can turn our attention to what is positive and supportive. We can then lessen the power that the memories have over our emotional well-being and then include them in the story of our lives in such a way that they add meaning and depth to how we define ourselves, rather then diminishing us.

Energy Dynamics are helpful for anyone wanting to change their view of life and to feel better in themselves, not only for those who have survived seriously damaging experiences.

(from Uncover Joy:The Path Beyond Pain, Trauma, and Self-defeating Patterns, chapter 1, “Joy is Possible”)

It is the place of feeling that binds us or frees us. Jack Kornfield

Free Your Breath, Free Your Life

April 15, 2010

When we breathe without paying attention, we stay alive. Good thing. But when we learn more about the breath and begin to practice different patterns consciously, amazing things happen. We can release tension and heal long-standing pain or weakness. We can greatly reduce anxiety, and change our automatic reactions to stressful events. We can develop new awareness and build a new relationship with ourselves, feeling more confident and empowered. We can enhance physical and mental performance, rev up, calm down, release stress, clear out stagnation. Rather than something we take for granted, breathing begins to look more like an art, a science, the basis of a more advanced relationship with our physical and emotional selves.

The biggest barrier to effective breathing is that we freeze our diaphragms. When we are startled, shocked, or scared, we gasp, a reflex triggered by an adrenalin surge. As a survival mechanism, gasping draws air quickly into the lungs in case we need to act. Energy is pushed upward as well. Vision sharpens, blood rushes to the head and heart for apprehending danger, for thinking, and preparing for fight or flight.

The problem comes when our systems stay in a mode of chronic over-arousal due to modern life or past unresolved stress, so most of us severely curtail our breath by keeping our diaphragms stiffened in the gasp position. Our awareness of our bodies, feelings and of other aspects of the environment are limited, as their energy stays stuck in our heads.

Try this: Free your diaphragm: When you breathe into your belly, your diaphragm is relaxed.

To see if your diaphragm is released, place your fingertips together, index to index, middle to middle, etcetera, not including your thumbs. Place the tips of your tented fingers gently with your index fingertips just under where your ribs flare out and your little fingertips by your waist. Take a deep breath and focus on breathing down into your belly. See if you can feel your diaphragm muscle push past your index fingers to your middle and then maybe to your ring fingertips. The muscle is expanding.

Then release your breath. A relaxed exhalation involves no effort on your part. Your diaphragm simply contracts to its original resting position. You can feel it move up to your index fingers again. Keep practicing until you can feel this movement. Notice what breathing feels like when your diaphragm is freed to move.

Then, during the day when you notice tension, focus on freeing your diaphragm again. See what effect that has on the way you are in your body, and in the situation. Happy Spring!

Fear less, hope more; eat less, chew more; whine less, breathe more; talk less, say more; hate less, love more; and all good things are yours.  ~Swedish Proverb

Savoring

March 15, 2010

Many of us react to successes and pleasures by worrying. “Pride goeth before the fall!” we’ll mutter. Or we’ll look for the other shoe to drop, or worry that others will resent our good fortune.  We may decide that we don’t really deserve the good that came our way.

Not everyone reacts this way. Some folks savor their experiences, sinking into the good feelings, exploring and relishing them. Positive psychology researchers have found that those who “derive pleasure through such strategies as anticipating positive events in the future, relishing them in the moment, and reminiscing about those in the past…Those who habitually savor are indeed happier and more satisfied in general with life…more optimistic…and less depressed…than those who do not savor. (Chris Peterson, A Primer of Positive Psychology)

If you tend more toward the worrying type, the good news is that you can increase your happiness by practicing savoring. The next time receive a gift or compliment, win an award or long-sought accomplishment, or you simply notice that it’s a beautiful day, instead of hurrying on by it, enhance your experience by trying these strategies:

  • Sharing with others: You can seek out others to share the experience. If that is not possible, tell others how much you valued the moment.
  • Memory Building: Take mental photographs or even a physical souvenir…and reminisce about it later with others.
  • Self-Congratulation: Do not be afraid of pride. Tell yourself how impressed others are and remember how long you have waited for this to happen.
  • Sharpening Perceptions: focus on certain elements…and block out others.
  • Absorptions: Let yourself get totally immersed in the pleasure and try not to think about other matters.  (Peterson, ibid)

I’d also suggest that savoring requires that us slow down when something brings you joy. We’ll find that we feel fuller and more nourished by life if we spend more time and attention appreciating one thing at a time than if we go for all the goodies that we can pack into an event. Kids at winter solstice holidays are a perfect example. When they receive so much, they often end up unhappy and frantic at the overload.

So, try not distracting yourself from the joy in your accomplishments and in each moment. As Dr. Peterson says, “Don’t be a kill-joy, because it would be (your) own joy that (you are) killing.”

Valuing Yourself Highly

January 18, 2010

Dame Judy Dench, arguably one of the best actors in the world, has primarily played sure-footed women. She was being interviewed on National Public Radio to introduce her latest series, “Cranford,” as I wrote the first draft of this chapter. One of the things she said was, “Those characters are not who I am. Everything I have done has brought up such anxiety, so much anxiety.” So, no one is immune from their critical voices. Self-doubt seems to be part of the human condition. Everyone has it sometime (except psychopaths), and it is impossible to eradicate completely. As a great actor, Dame Judy is an example of someone who clearly knows how to deal with her anxiety and move forward. When I was younger and struggling with my own healing, I could function well at work, and with friends. I felt competent when dealing with a project or interaction. I could stand up in a courtroom and contest a ticket. I could speak in public. But I did not really have a sense that it was my life. I was caught in old beliefs and injunctions from my upbringing, so I focused on what others thought and wanted, and I unconsciously relegated myself to the category of to-blame-if-anything-goes-wrong. If I had a misunderstanding with someone, or blurted something at a party, I would berate myself mercilessly afterward, a maneuver that a friend dubbed ‘party-remorse.’ Any decision I made, I second-guessed. I could find myself sweeping the kitchen floor while thinking that really, it was not the best use of my time, I should be writing an article, or cleaning the bathroom, or researching a concept. I’d utilize my gifts for clients or friends, but not for me. Why wasn’t I able to remember my strengths, who I really was, even while I was helping others build positive views of themselves, heal from emotional and physical pain, and embrace bright futures? Why could I not maintain my center, even as I taught others to do so? What does it take to build and maintain a sense of self that supports us through anxiety, opposition, and stressful situations? Even when we have worked through obstacles, many of us continue to doubt ourselves, thereby undermining our efforts to build self-assurance. It is disorganizing constantly to second-guess ourselves. We must see that self-criticism and shame are not based on the reality of who we are, but on our attempts to control our pain.

If our sense of self is based on self-criticism and self-hatred, we must go overboard in the positive direction in order to build a stance based on self-love and a realistic appreciation of our worth. It isn’t overcompensation. It simply feels that way, if we’ve had a taboo against being on our own side.


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