Posts Tagged ‘spring’

Pre-Spring: The Useful Purpose of Anxiety

March 10, 2011

Anxiety, the Useful Red Flag

As winter continues (which is ok for us ski buffs but not for anyone else) the world, weather, and economy are all in upheaval. So I thought that understanding anxiety would be a helpful pre-Spring message.

More people are medicated to get away from anxiety than almost any other emotional state. People view anxiety as bad; that it means that something is wrong. Many people experience “free-floating anxiety,” meaning there is no obvious cause. The problem is that people don’t see the cause because they have disconnected from their bodies and feelings, so they aren’t aware of their reactions to events. They are not getting any information, so their reactions seem to come out of the blue. Not knowing why they are agitated makes people feel out-of-control. That leads quickly to seeing any anxiety as a sure sign that their lives are out-of-control. They try madly to figure out what’s going on and avoid any situations that they think may cause the anxiety. Then they have more and more anxiety.

Anxiety actually has a crucial purpose. It notifies us when we need to pay attention to something surfacing or about to happen. If we can see it as a helpful flag, and be willing to look at and assess a potential situation, or be with a surfacing emotion, then we can change our perception of anxiety. It becomes a useful tool. We pay attention, attend to something when we need to, and then we won’t panic. We’ll feel more in control of our lives and empowered to be in the moment and keep moving forward toward our goals.

Anxiety is supposed to be uncomfortable. It is a function of activity in the amygdala, a portion of what has been called the limbic system, the central part of the brain whose purpose is to deal with emotional reactions. The amygdala is activated when we are startled or when we anticipate an event. These could be surprises such as a car back-firing, or the phone ringing at 3:00 AM, or an event that we freely choose, such as taking part in a local production of “Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead,” going out the door into Manhattan at night, or taking the SAT’s. The amygdala’s job is to focus our attention on possible dangers. We have a choice, once it has fired. We may go on automatic and react with fight-or-flight, or we may engage the assessment functions of our more advanced brain centers. They will help us weigh the reality of the danger, check that our costume is on straight, be on guard around strangers on the street, or have our pencil sharpened. If we do not moderate the instant alert system with assessment–considering the stimulus; memory recall–comparing it to other events we’ve gone through; and strategizing–thinking what would be the best response given all the information, chances are we will find ourselves running madly away from slamming doors, or we’ll find ourselves taking a swing at a bratty brother when he comes up behind us unexpectedly. Or, we may freeze, unable to remember our lines. One thing is for sure: we’ll constantly over-estimate the amount of danger present in any given situation.

It is not the street, or the test, or the stage that actually causes the anxiety. The trigger only alerts us to check it out. But so many people back away from the triggering situation as if that will reduce their anxiety. And it does, in the moment. But it doesn’t handle the real situation. It only makes them believe that not doing things will make them feel safer.

But, every time someone backs down from a challenge, their sense of agency diminishes, and their fear increases. They feel smaller and smaller. They lose touch with themselves more and more, as they are mesmerized by the scary image front of their mind’s eye. And unless we examine this reaction in the light of day, we won’t see that we are really stuck in past fears and past events; that we are not really reacting to the reality in front of us. The performance doesn’t cause us to feel anxious. Our anticipation and history do.

Be Your Own Good Parent

May 15, 2010

Mother’s Day and Father’s Day give us a chance to thank parents who cared for us, offered helpful advice, kept us safe, and guided us to be the best we can be.

For some people, however, these holidays are painful.  Yes, everyone has things to work out with their parents, otherwise what impetus would we have to grow and evolve as adults? But for lots of folks, all the ads for flowers and restaurants remind them that their childhoods were not supportive or safe. They have had to spend years recovering from abuse and trying to build strong and positive senses of themselves.

Whether you were blessed with wonderful parents, the regular human kind, or had to struggle with serious problems in your family, here’s a suggestion to help you feel the blessings of Spring.

For the lucky ones, what characteristics do you most value in your parents?

And for the challenged ones, what did you most want from your parents that you did not receive?

List those traits that you think personify wonderful parenting.

Now, for the next two weeks, choose one of those traits and give it to yourself. It works best if you clarify what you will focus on, rather than generalizing and then falling short because you expect too much of yourself or did not have a model for good parenting.

Be your own best parent. Treat yourself kindly. Hold your hand (metaphorically speaking – might be hard to do for real if you’re lugging a briefcase and two bags of groceries) when you cross the street. Have empathy for your reactions. Guide yourself gently through troubles. Give yourself milk and cookies. Put your arm around yourself for no reason at all.

Before you go to bed each night, write a love note to yourself. Tell yourself what you’re proud of yourself for doing during the day. Remind yourself of your good qualities. Comfort yourself for difficulties. Give yourself the kind of before-sleep benediction that a kind, loving parent would.

Go to sleep with those messages in your mind.

As you integrate the first attribute, you may want to focus on another one.

Then see what blossoms in you as Spring progresses. Notice if your own feelings of lovingkindness grow, if you feel more sunny, more relaxed, more supported. And make each holiday an acknowledgement of your wonderful Self-Parenting. Happy Spring!

Worry: a misuse fo your imagination. Anonymous


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